Being Alone

I am writing after a long time since for the 1st time here in Gurgaon I am not feeling nice. Today is 1 of those days when I sit and don't feel like doing anything. I tried watching "My Sassy Girl" but the feeling was not there. I was not able to enjoy the movie so I switched to next movie "Just Like Heaven". And then the feeling of being lonely crept again and more strongly this time. The hero was alone and the only one he got to talk was a ghost. What a jerk. I don't know whether its a blessing or curse but when I come back home today I wanted to talk to someone. I tried calling some but then I felt not to. I am feeling very bad for even trying to call them at night. I am sorry. I somehow don't want to accept some facts,some changes,the truth and thus I think even God is working hard to make me accept those. Nobody will like to talk to a whining guy whose relation is a burden to them or I feel that way if its not. Many time I felt a relation not worthy of carrying on or I can say I did not deserve that relation. I am on that crossroad again. Its not love in relation that hurts but its the expectations. Sometimes you expect too much out of a relation, out of life that... Oh forget it what a crap. Its time to move on. I always liked people who have many friends. I tried to be like them but in vain. I changed myself in that quest but in vain. No matter how close I can be with someone, I can never bind. I don't know why. May be its a self preservation kind of thing :). And the worst part is I can't even sleep before a fixed time. Life sucks man, life really sucks now.