Sunday, March 30, 2008

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Ha...Jaise taise I spend 1 more week of my life...Living inside my room...In college when I was in a single seater room in my hostel I use to hate it coz it was small n did'nt have much space...But now we have a 2 BHK in Bangalore n I hate it too for being so big that whn I m alone it haunts me...Strange feeling though...

I am thinking weird stuff now a days...The more I think of not thinking abt :), the more I find myself thinking abt :)...For all my life I longed for a someone like :), but when I found, I was dumb enough to let :) go...yeah I made mistakes n realized that life is all about choices. I choose to be what I am now, if not everybody... The more I talk to anyone n think, the more I realize how far I've come,how much I've changed... But 1 thing which I always wanted to change n it never changed... The part of :) in me... It will never let me b alone but it'll never let me with anyone else... Whenever I meet or talk with anyone else I realize the part(of :)) in me is getting jealous...

I often find people asking me what did u do in weekend n those r d times whn u think let d cracks open in earth n swallow u coz u've no answers... wat can I say "I dont have any friends. Blah blah blah"...Those r all lies, d fact is I dont want to...I like 2 b alone...I dont like to go out...Y is it necessary to go out on weekend if u r a software guy...This engineer thing sumtimes piss me off...

I am reading Harry Potter n deathly Hallows... Atleast there is sumthin dat I still enjoy otherwise I was in utter belief that i dont feel now(well most of the muggles think that I dont feel anymore:))...

Friday, March 28, 2008

28th March 2008

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The same shit happens again and again...Again you think that a hope is there but you know that there is no hope... There is a great deal of difference between emotions and logic... One gives you reality, other a dream...
I am fed of this emotions and all... These things pull me down... These things make me sad... These things give me hope...
Life sucks and so do I...:)...
I am so much confused... I dont know what to do... life ne muje kabhi seriously nahi liya aur na maine kabhi life ko... Marenge dono ek din...

Whenever I love myself

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Whenever I love myself enough
I come to see that I am not special, but I am unique

Whenever I love myself enough
I love being alone surrounded by silence, awed by its spell listening to its spell.

Whenever I loved myself enough
I took the gift of life seriously and gratefully

Whenever I love myself enough
I quit settling for too little

Whenever I love myself enough
I no longer need things or people to make me safe.

Whenever I love myself enough
I stop blaming myself for choices I made-which made me feel safe and start taking responsibility of those.

Whenever I love myself enough
I travel just for the scenic ride.

Whenever I love myself enough
I leave whatever was unhealthy. This could be ego, showoff, people, habits, fear, job-anything that keeps me small.

Whenever I love myself enough
I gave up perfectionism- that kills little joyous moments.

When I loved myself enough
I never had to lie.

When I loved myself enough
I could understand the meaning of winning the presence of God and let it be within you.

Whenever I love myself enough
I started writing about my life there is nothing interesting than that.

Whenever I love myself enough
I began to see my purpose and gently wean myself from distractions.

Whenever I love myself enough
I stopped caring how others feel about me.

Whenever I love myself enough
I could love everything around me, nature, people, weather, life.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

27th March 2008

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another day w/0 ur smile...another day just passes by...
he he he...

I always think abt this weird song...I've never seen a looser like me b4 in my life...I had 92 percentile in CAT and i didn't even see that because I thot I wont score...can u believe that...

Today is same old day...I am getting transferred and this KT kind of thing is really pissing me off...Today I read a blog n I am glad I read that(No offense B...:))...I thot only I use to spend weekends like that...But the pblm with me is I enjoy living like that now...she doesn't...she reminded me of many things...Things from which/whom I always ran away...I pretended to be strong but I was not...I pretended I dont need but I do...

But that's life...sapne purey hi ho jaate to unhe sapne kaun kehta...this is my copyright line:)...yeah I think weird stuffs now a always think weird stuff...

I am bored with life...

a looser who is not a looser at all...

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I walked a mile wit sorrow,n nvr a word said she...but Oh things i learned frm her whn sorrow walked wit me...

This is a futile attempt from a looser to do something he always wanted to but he is different from other losers in a way that he never looses hope.
The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

...Robert Frost.

Well, I am what I am. I have travelled a long way to see this day. I am just a boy next door who has dreams which I thot were foolish. I never thot wat I want from life. I took it as it came. I dont kno wats goin to happen in my life as many unexpected things happened but thats life. A constant adventure(like Luffy says in One Piece). A struggle. A surprise. I am surprising myself. Life is surprising me. (It’s a vicious circle I tell you).
I am one of the laziest person I’ve ever met but sumhow my life also sounds like a story. althou I tried my best to keep it as simple and meaningless as i can.
About Me:
I am really fed up of this question. After giving 100′s of interviews and getting rejected, this question brings a shiver in my body starting from my hand to deep within my soul. But guess no escaping from this question.
Who am I:
I am Atul Rawat, but called by many different names some I love some I hate.  So you can call me whatever you mind, I dont give a damn.
Why am I here:
Lonely weekends, extra time, a sea of thoughts and an urge for writing are responsible for this blog. I use this as a medium to share what I feel, to make new friends and to kill my time.
What’s here:
Here you will find blogs about my loneliness, about sudden outburst for feelings like love, hate, happiness, sadness, and of course a girl, some songs that I love, some poems that I have read, some photos that I saw.
What am I:
I am a Data Analyst by profession, a software engineer by education and a mix of devil-angel by heart. I am a loner, an avid reader(or so I think), an aspiring writer(yeah why not!), a dreamer(only a dreamer, I dont act on it), an easy lover(I didn’t find any word. I mean to say I love very easily. If anything I have to give others it’s love), a pessimist (it’s not a bad thing) and a great/honest friend(so they say).
Places where you can find me:
If this means physically. I’ll be at my office on weekdays and home (in a particular room with an internet connection, a laptop, a mattress lying on floor, a table, a chair and a lamp cover given by one of my friends, a surprisingly close friend(or so I think), she is weird) on weekends. Except these places don’t expect me to be anywhere else. In blog world you can again read me at,