Burden in My Heart

“What the hell?” I muttered. I burnt my fingers again. It’s a weekend and I was pathetically trying to cook. So,I thought its better I eat outside as usual. Within 15 minutes I was in Mc D. “Hello Sir! Can I take your order?” greeted the Mc D boy. I think they recognise me by now, I am a regular face you see. “Ofcourse you can.” I said. And smiles all around.” I will decide in a minute.” I said. “Sure Sir.” The boy replied smiling as if he is happy that he will not be taking my order. I wonder whether they are trained in “Smiling” too. “Boy you are useless.” Smile. “Boy I am useless.” Smile.
“I want one Maharaja and one medium coke.”

“So you are quick to choose now.” Now that sounds familiar. I turned back and there she was.

“Hi. aaaa… Ambika.”

“Is it so hard to recall my name, Chandru?” And all smiles. “Sir your order.” These Mc D boys sometimes seem to me the happiest guys on earth.

“Oh yes! Can I take your order? What do you want?”

“It’s okay, I will give my own order. You go and sit somewhere.” It’s 4 years since I left the college but I guess some things never change. She is still the boss.

Within 5 minutes she was over my head. “Can I sit with you?” “Oh! Yes.”*(Like I had any other choice.)* “Are you shocked or what?”

“No, just, it was unexpected. So what are you doing in Bangalore?”

“Same as you, working. I was sent for a project. This market is nearest to our guest house so I thought to roam. Feeling hungry so came to Mc D.”
I started devouring my burger with proper sound effects.

“You still do not know how to eat.”
“Oh sorry.”
“So how is life? Still single?”
“Yes.”

I don’t know what is wrong with her eyes, but I have never been able to make contact with those two sources of light which I always felt protruding into my soul. Her eyes always seem moist to me. Earlier I thought its because she is “I can cry anytime” girl, then I thought no may be her eyes are showing sympathy for a looser like me but later I realized it’s love that has made her eyes so lively for me. So from that day onwards I restrained myself from looking into her eyes.

“Are you still afraid to make eye contact with me?” Asked Ambika. *(What are you a mind reader, I thought in my mind.)*
Within 5 minutes I finished my burger and she was still playing with hers.

“Well then! I will see you around.”

“Yes. Of course. By the way, although you did not ask but let me tell you. I am married. My husband works in the same company as mine.”

“Oh congratulations. Bye.” Those Mc D boys were still laughing, I hope on me. This time I did not smile back.

Slowly,I went outside Mc D, took a deep breath, look into the sky. There are times when even your mind does not know which emotion to choose to show,to reflect on your face. I took steps towards my home. Those steps were the heaviest I had ever taken.

– Atul